St. Pedro of Mendes - We pray for you

We are sad to announce that just 1 week after the tragedy in Italy, football faces it darkest day yet, Pedro Mendes who announced that he had considered quitting the game after the Ben Thatcher incident earlier in the year he himself of course has never even contemplated a foul let alone made contact with someone in a contact sport, has what his own doctors described as a
'Bad Cut' he was said to be in 'some agony' .

All football in England has been cancelled and there are serious doubts whether it can recover from this horrific 'sporting collision' .
Joey Barton will be summarily executed at dawn for failing to spot that Pedro Mendes had stopped in full flight and whilst watching the game completely ignored the fact that he was about to stand on the stretcher fetish Portsmouth Midfielder. Harry Redknapp may or may not have commented to several media sources (does he ever keep a thought to himself) that shooting was too good for Barton and they should follow pol pots example and use a hammer and nail.

February 10th has been renamed Mendes day and all football fans are been encouraged to buy a stretcher pin badge in aid of the fallen hero, Bob Geldof may or may not be holding a mega concert as wembleys first ever gig.

On the positive side the best doctors money can buy are currently jetting in from the USA to apply a revolutionary technique called 'applying an elastoplast' .

The nation crosses it fingers.